A Voyage Home
by Kassandra85
Summary: The story starts shortly before Voyager gets stranded in the Delta Quadrant and will go on after Endgame. The first chapters will introduce you to the OC and will develop into a OC/Ayala romance. Rated M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Deena Parker sighed and straightened her back. She hated these missions and on such days, she even hated her job. Her mission was, infiltrate the Maquis, find out their whereabouts and report back to Starfleet. One of her best friends, actually her only friend at the academy, B'Elanna Torres, a half Klingon, had joined the Maquis many months ago after she had left the academy and Starfleet thought that Deena had good chances of following her and gaining her trust. Their friendship was a special one.

Deena herself was half Romulan half Human, but due to a genetical defect, she looked like a human. Only her physiology was Romulan, her blood was green and her lifespan would be longer than a human one. At the academy, the other cadets had always called them the Klingon Sisters, because Deena had long and wild curly hair and also had quite a temperament on her. She had quickly bonded with B'Elanna, since both of them were eyed suspiciously by the other cadets, who were full of prejudice against Klingons and Romulans. Deena herself often disliked the Human arrogance and their tendency to force their way of living onto others because they thought that it was the best way to live for everyone, but she had run out of options to run her own life. Because of her human looks, she has never really been accepted in the romulan society. Her father, a Human, had left her romulan mother when she was pregnant and never cared for his daughter, although he knew of her existence. Her mother, a respected diplomat, had been a hard and disciplined teacher to Deena, she had raised her daughter for almost every eventuality and had educated her in every aspect of life. Deena knew how to run a household, she knew how to use small talk in her favor, she could fight to defend herself and she had a degree in Sociology. Starfleet Intelligence had contacted her years ago, they had been interested in the person Deenas mother had formed out of her daughter. Deena was a beautiful young woman, fit, intelligent and head strong. People trusted her and never saw a threat in her and Starfleet Intelligence was desperate to gain an agent of romulan decent. But to join Starfleet Intelligence, she had to finish the academy first. She had spent months with her friend B'Elanna and had found a sister in her. They both had had a difficult childhood and straining relationships to their parents, especially their fathers. Deena was devastated then the half Klingon had left. Deena had concentrated on finishing the academy as soon as possible and joined Starfleet Intelligence as one of the youngest graduates ever. Admiral Ross, the head of Starfleet Academy at that time, had seen the potential in the young cadet, but also saw her dislike of Starfleet's directives. But he had given her a chance and had supported her career anytime he could. It was thanks to his influence, that Deena made it to Starfleet Intelligence directly after her graduation of the Academy.

Now, one year later, Deena looked at the building where she hoped to find B'Elanna, it was a bar on Dorvan III, a system given to the Cardassians by the Federation, without the consent of the human population. The Cardassians had soon taken over control and terrorised the human population, mostly farmers and peaceful traders. Many of the population of the five class M planets of that system had joined the Maquis to that day and their numbers grew with each passing day. In secret, Deena admired the Maquis and respected their fight against the Cardassians. But she was an agent now and she had a job to do. Personal feelings were irrelevant.

With a deep sigh, Deena walked over to the bar and entered. She knew that two Starfleet security officers would follow her into the bar and would ask for a dark haired woman who had killed two Cardassian soldiers. It would hopefully raise the attention of potential Maquis inside of that bar and would ensure Deena's contact to the rebels. It was dark and cold inside of that bar and Deena felt out of place. Due to her romulan heritage, she liked higher temperatures and strongly disliked cold and damp weather. Usually, she would have chosen warm clothing, but for this mission she was given the order to attract the attention of the Maquis in that bar, which were mostly male. So Deena had chosen to wear a tight pair of trousers, a long sleeve leather jacket and comfortable boots, an outfit which highlighted her physical advantages. Deena was a trained woman, with slim legs, a nice behind, small breasts and long brown curly hair. All in all, she was a very attractive woman, although she hated to underline that and preferred to stay low key. Shivering of the cold, Deena walked over to the bartender and looked around under her long lashes. The bar was half empty, only a few men were sitting at the small tables and at the bar and she was the only female. Great. Deena hoped that the two security officers would hurry so that she could just get it over with. She had just ordered warm Saurian Ale, as two tall officers in yellow Starfleet uniforms entered the bar. Deena quickly walked into the shadows and sat down at a table behind a pillar, where a dark haired man was sitting. He looked at her calmly and Deena tried to look nervous.

‚We are looking for a dark haired human woman.' one of the security officers told the barman, who looked back at him with open distrust.

‚Why are you looking for her.' he wanted to know. So far, everything went according to plan.

‚She killed two Cardassian soldiers.' the second security officer announced. ‚Please be informed, that whoever helps her to flee is guilty of complicity of murder.'

Deena felt the eyes of the man beside her turn towards her. The bartender was obviously not going to help the federation officers, but she did not know wether the man at her table would. When she focused on him, she saw him look at her suspiciously, but also with interest and curiosity. He was tall, dark haired and he had broad shoulders, which were accented by the leather clothing he wore. He had very dark eyes, but his look was friendly and warm. Deena decided that he would not pose a threat and looked back to the bar. The younger security officer seemed to take his role a bit too far and began searching the bar for Deena. Being the only woman, Deena would catch his eye soon. Cursing, Deena thought about ways to hide from the trained eyes of the security staff. She looked back to the man at her table and bit her lips. She did have an idea, but it was risky. But there was no time to think of another way out. Deena moved closer to the man and with an almost apologetical smile, she grabbed his face and pulled him into a kiss and into the view of the security officers. The man stiffened at first and Deena hoped that he would not push her back. She positioned his head between her and the starfleet officers, when she realised that he actually kissed her back. His lips were soft and unobstrusive and the kiss was one of the best Deena had ever gotten. She closed her eyes and moved her hand through his hair. It was raven black and silky and she almost could not stop stroking. The man moved his hands over Deenas shoulders onto her neck and into her hair, before he cupped her face and deepened the kiss. Since the security officers were still there, Deena had no choice but continue the kiss, but she had to admit that she enjoyed it. Deena was never that forward with men, but she somehow felt safe and comfortable with the man she was kissing. A shame that it had no chance of a future, she thought. She moaned in surprise when the man deepened the kiss even more and softly traced her lips with his tongue. He teased her a bit until he began to tangle with her tongue and then kissed her passionately. Pleasure hit Deena like a fist in the guts and she broke away, gasping for air. She realised then, that the security officers were gone and that the bartender looked at her with a smirk.

‚I apologise.' Deena muttered and looked at the man she had just kissed and who had kissed her right back. ‚I panicked when I saw the Starfleet officers and….I do not want to go to prison.'

The man looked at her and moved his hands over his lips which had kissed her that heavenly only moments ago. Deena tried to concentrate on her mission, but it was more difficult than she thought.

‚Did you kill them?' the man asked. Deena liked his voice, it was deep and warm.

‚Yes.' Deena admitted and tried to look devastated.

‚Why?' the man wanted to know.

‚They did not want to take no for an answer.' Deena pressed out between gritted teeth and hoped that this answer would suffice. She saw anger gleam in the man's eyes and hoped that she had found a member of the Maquis already and that he could bring her to their base camp. Maybe this would be easier than she thought it would be.

‚I see.' the man answered and looked her up and down. ‚You do not like Cardassians?'

‚I hate them.' Deena snarled. ‚Arrogant and brutal people.'

Deena felt a cold sting in her heart when she said these words. Funnily, every race said that other races were arrogant and somewhat overly proud. Humans had told her that the Romulan arrogance was insufferable, while Romulans had hated the Human pride and pomposity.

‚Yes, they are.' Deena could hear the hatred in the man's voice, but also sadness and defeat. She wondered what the Cardassians had done to him. It surprised her, but she really did care.

‚Why do you hate them.' she asked.

‚They took our homes from us.' the man growled and clenched his fists.'And they threatened my wife and my sons.'

‚Oh.' Deena did not understand, but she felt heavily disappointed by the mention of his wife. Then she told herself to get a grip. What had she expected? That she would kiss some random goodlooking guy in a bar, who would turn out to be her soulmate and marry him some day? She tried not to laugh at herself and her naive daydreams. ‚Uhm, sorry about the kiss then.'

The man first looked at her questioningly and then smiled.

‚Ex-wife.' Deena could tell that he was not happy about it, though.

‚Alright….sorry about that then.' Deena answered clumsily and made the man chuckle.

‚You and me both.' he smirked and Deena could not help to feel disappointed again.

Deena took the opportunity to get back on track.

‚I heard that this system plans a rebellion against the Cardassians.' she whispered. ‚The rebels call themselves the Maquis.'

‚Where did you hear that?' the man asked and Deena could see that he was suspicious again. This would not be easy.

‚Here and there.' Deena stayed vague and leaned forward to whisper into his ear. ‚I want to join them.'

The man laughed quietly and shook his head. ‚Join the Maquis? What for? You will only get yourself hurt, woman.'

Deena could not help but feel angry about the man's dismissive behaviour and frowned at him.

‚I think I proved that I can handle myself by killing these bastards.' she snarked and glared at the man at her table.

‚And got yourself in trouble with Starfleet.' the man answered and crossed his arms over his chest.

‚And that's why I need to find the Maquis.' Deena tried again. ‚They are fighting for a good cause, a cause I want to support and fight for, as well.'

‚You cannot simply join the Maquis.' the man told her. ‚They chose their members on their own.'

Deena closed her eyes and tried to calm her temper. If she moved too fast, she would lose any trust she might have gained already.

‚How can I contact them?' Deena asked, knowing that this man was definetly a member of the Maquis himself now.

He smiled and leaned back in his chair. ‚Not at all.' he told her and before Deena could say another word, the world went black.

 _I hope that you like the first chapter, please review! Now, who do you think my OC met in that bar? I will fill in the correct tags later ;)_


	2. Chapter 2

‚What the hell have you done to her?!' Deena could hear a familiar voice screaming and winced. Her head hurt and she could feel a bump on the back of her head. She slowly opened one eye and looked directly at a bulkhead. She opened both eyes and turned her head. In the dim light she could see a dark room without windows and spartanic furniture. Many consoles blinked and beeped and made Deena realise that she was on a ship and not on a planetary base. She tried to sit up, but then realised that her hands were bound on her back and that her feet were bound as well.

‚What the hell…..' Deena struggled and pulled on her bonds.

‚She is a Romulan!' another female voice yelled. ‚She probably is some spy for the Tal Shiar,'

‚What interest would the Tal Shiar have in the Maquis, Seska.' a male voice stated calmly. ‚B'Elanna knows her, she says that she is not a threat.'

Deena felt a pang of guilt at these words. Technically she really was no threat, but she did spy on them and had to betray her friend.

‚It's impolite to talk about a person like that when that person is in the same room…' Deena stated groaning and tried to sit up again. ‚Where am I?'

‚Deena.' Deena looked up and right into B'Elanna's face. ‚Are you alright?'

‚B'Elanna.' Deena smiled at her friend and then looked at her bonds. ‚Oh, just peachy, I always dreamed of waking up bonded on a tiny ship.'

‚Tiny?' a male voice from behind B'Elanna asked in an amused tone. ‚Did she call my ship tiny?'

‚Chakotay, this is Deena. Deena, Chakotay.' B'Elanna introduced them.

Deena looked at the tall indian man with a tattoo the left side of his forehead. He looked friendly for a rebel and even smiled politely.

‚I would shake your hand, but…' Deena tried to sit up a gracefully as she could. ‚Is this really necessary?'

‚You will stay that way until we know that we can trust you.' a bajoran woman snarled at her possessively walked over to Chakotays side.

‚Seska, I already told you that we can trust her.' B'Elanna looked at Chakotay and began to untie Deenas hands and feet.

‚Thank you.' Deena winced again as she felt the bump on her head.

‚Did you really have to hit her that hard?' B'Elanna glared at the bajoran woman.

‚Yes.' she simply said and made Deena chuckle.

‚Now, what will happen to me?' Deena asked and looked at Chakotay, who seemed to be the leader of the Maquis on that ship.

‚You are on board of the Val Jean, my tiny Maquis raider.' Chakotay told her with a smirk. ‚You will stay with us for a while.'

Deena nodded and looked around. There were only three Maquis in this room, Chakotay, Seska, B'Elanna and herself. No sign of the man she had met in the bar.

‚I had hoped that I could join the Maquis to fight the Cardassians.' Deena told him and saw him frown. Apparently, the Maquis had learned to mistrust new possible members. Deena knew that Starfleet had tried to infiltrate the Maquis various times and that most of the spies had been detected sooner or later. The Maquis had reasons to not trust new people.

‚I heard that you killed two Cardassians.' Chakotay looked at her curiously. ‚That's a start, but this does not mean that you are Maquis. You will have to prove your worth, first.'

‚How?' Deena asked and hoped that gaining their trust would not mean that she would actually have to murder anyone.

‚Time will tell.' Chakotay answered and turned to B'Elanna. ‚You said that she is your friend, so she will be your responsibility. Show her around, it won't take long.'

Deena smiled as Chakotay still shook his head about her dismissive commentary about his tiny ship. He nodded at her and then left with the bajoran woman following him closely.

‚Well, that went well.' Deena sighed and earned a smile from B'Elanna.

‚Chakotay is an honorable man, he is our Captain.' B'Elanna informed her and helped her up. ‚Better stay away from Seska for a while though.'

‚The possessive bajoran woman?' Deena asked. ‚Is she his wife?'

That made B'Elanna laugh. ‚She wishes.' she said and started walking out of the door. ‚Shall we?'

It was indeed a tiny ship. Deena found out that it had 30 crewmembers, 7 women and 23 men, all Maquis.

‚This ship is Chakotays „wife".' B'Elanna told Deena with a wide smile. ‚He even speaks to her.'

‚I figured when he reacted like that as I called the Val Jean tiny.' Deena grinned. At least he did not hold a grudge. ‚Are you operating from this ship? Don't you have a home base or something?'

‚We do have a home base, but the location is secret.' B'Elanna told her. ‚But we mostly coordinate everything from our ships, the home base is the place where our families are. Well, the other's families.'

Deena could her the bitterness in B'Elannas voice. She knew that B'Elannas father had left her and her mother when B'Elanna was six, but she thought that she at least still had her mother.

‚Where is your mother?' Deena asked and watched her friend frown.

‚She returned to the Klingon homeworld. She had nothing that kept her here anymore.'

‚What about her daughter?' Deena continued to ask.

‚She never felt welcome in the federation colonies and when I left for the academy….I guess that she did not want to be alone with all those humans.' B'Elanna shrugged her shoulders.

‚I am sorry.' Deena told her and was relieved when B'Elanna smiled warmly at her.

‚Don't be. The Maquis is my family now….Chakotay, Seska, Ayala, Hogan…..you will meet them all in the mess. We even have a Vulcan on board.'

‚A Vulcan?' Starfleet Intelligence had informed Deena about another spy, a vulcan lieutenant, who had managed to gain the trust of a Maquis group until this very day. His name was Tuvok.

‚Is that a problem for you?' B'Elanna asked, for she knew that Vulcans and Romulans usually hated each other.

‚No.' Deena answered truthfully. She had never hated Vulcans, she actually hated prejudice and racism more than anything else. But a vulcan Maquis was – not logic. Vulcans had no logical reason to join a fight against the Cardassians and they had no feelings which would make them feel a connection to the Maquis rebels. Plus, Vulcans hated to lie and that he would have to do as a spy. ‚But why would a Vulcan join the Maquis?'

‚Tuvok said that it was only logic that he would fight alongside the Maquis, since the Cardassians killed some of his Vulcan collegues on a trading vessel many months ago.'

‚Revenge is not logic.' Deena stated, but she did not want to blow the other spies cover. ‚But good to know that even Vulcans sympathise with the cause of the Maquis.'

Deena sighed of relief when B'Elanna continued their tour, but immediately felt uncomfortable when they entered the mess. Five Maquis were sitting at a table in the corner and they stopped talking as soon as B'elanna entered the room with Deena. Two of the looked Deena up and down and Deena immediately disliked the appreciative glanced they threw her way. The other two quickly ignored her again, but there was one man who stared at her with open hostility. He had black eyes and his glare made Deena's inner alarm go off. This was a dangerous man and Deena knew that she should stay away from him. Easier said than done on the tiny ship.

Later that day, Deena had seen the whole ship, most of the crew and more damaged consoles than she thought were healthy for a battle ready ship.

‚No offense, B'Elanna, but this ship won't last 5 seconds against a Cardassian Battle Cruiser.' Deena muttered under her breath. She knew that she could speak openly to her friend, but she did not want the other Maquis to resent her additionaly to their distrust.

‚We do not fight in direct combat.' B'Elanna informed her. ‚Our plan is to lure the Cardassians into the Badlands. Their ships can't navigate there and maybe we can also lure them into one of the plasma storms.'

‚How many ships have you destroyed so far?' Deena wanted to know.

‚We, the Val Jean, got three of their ships, two were destroyed, but one made it out in one piece….or lets say one piece minus some hull fragments.' B'Elanna told her grimly.

‚That's impressive.' Deena meant what she said. Destroying the huge battle ships was no easy task. But the Cardassians also seemed to make it easy for the Maquis. No Captain in his right mind would fly into the Badlands with a heavy cruiser.

‚Now, what about dinner.' B'Elanna grinned. ‚Rations, yay.'

Deena smiled and followed her friend into the mess. ‚Why not?'

Half way into the small room, Deena bumped into a tall man and would have landed on her nose if he had not caught her. When she looked up, she looked right into the face of the man she had kissed at the bar. She was too surprised to react and simply starred at him with wide eyes, while the man recovered quickly and gave her a polite smile.

‚Well, I won't need to introduce the two of you.' B'Elanna chuckled and wiggled her eyebrows at the two of them.

‚Actually…..' Deena took a step back and the man let go of her arms. ‚We haven't introduced each other properly.'

‚Oh really?' B'Elanna grinned widely. ‚It looked as if you introduced yourselves quite thouroughly.'

‚B'Elanna, stop the teasing.' Chakotay appeared behind his chief engineer and smirked. ‚Tarik Ayala, this is Deena Parker. Deena, Tarik.'

Deena, who had blushed a bit, smiled at Ayala and noticed that he seemed as embarassed about the situation as her. She would never admit it, but she did not regret the kiss, but she knew he did.

‚Deena, welcome on board.' Ayala gave her a warm smile and then turned to Chakotay. ‚Boss, we will need that deuterium if we want to make it to make it home in one piece.'

Deena forced her attention away from Ayala and concentrated on the information. Deuterium could only be obtained by flying into space docs and officially buying it. But that was not possible for the Val Jean.

‚You want to steal deuterium?' Deena knew that stealing deuterium would mean to assault another ship.

‚That is our only chance to get deuterium.' Chakotay frowned. ‚Do you have a problem with that, Deena?'

Deena knew that a wrong answer would jeopardize any trust she might have gained until now. Quickly, she tried to remember what she had seen on the maps a few moments ago.

‚We are near starbase 347. A Telarite freighter left the starbase two hours ago, the long range scanners have located it near the Dorvan system. Telarian ships have a large amount of deuterium aboard.'

‚Telarites are brutal and effective fighters, even if we manage to board their freighter, we will have to put up a fight.' Seska had appeared from behind Chakotay and eyed Deena suspiciously.

‚Well, you won't be able to sneak up on them from behind, that's for sure.' Deena could not help but make a snarky comment about how Seska had hit her unconcious in the bar. While Seska gasped and glared at her, she could see that Ayala and Chakotay exchanged a smirk.

‚B'Elanna told me that you are well trained in hand to hand combat, do you mind proving that?' Chakotay asked Deena, who knew that she had to take this opportunity. The mission would be dangerous, especially since she did not want to kill any Telarites, but it was necessary if she wanted to keep her cover.

‚Captain.' Ayala frowned and looked at his friend and superior. ‚This is a dangerous mission, we should leave that to more experienced Maquis.'

‚Excuse me?' this time, Deena did not need to play her outrage. ‚I have been trained in hand to hand combat as soon as I could walk, thank you very much. I can handle this. Unless of course, you want to supervise my talents personaly.'

‚I cannot believe that we are getting our behinds kicked because of that romulan bitch!' Seska growled as she ran through the corridors of the Telarite freighter. Chakotay had sent Deena, Seska and Ayala onto the freighter. They had only needed one shot to break their shields, but the Telarite crew put up a fight. Ayala and Seska distracted the crew, while Deena stole the deuterium and distracting meant a brawl. Ayala had to admit that he enjoyed himself a bit, especially when he saw Seska curse and take an occasional punch. He did not like the bajoran woman, he did not trust her and he could not understand what Chakotay saw in her. She was ruthless, heartless and arrogant and Ayala was always careful to not reveal too much in her presence. But of course, since she shared Chakotays bed, she did not need any information from Ayala, she got it right out of the horses mouth.

‚Got it!' Deena ran towards them with the can of deuterium. ‚Let's go!'

Ayala was about to contact the Val Jean and two Telarites jumped him and forced the communicator out of his hand. The device fell onto the ground and to Seska's feet.

‚Chakotay! Beam Deena and me out of here!' Seska yelled into the communicator. She did not want to rescue the romulan woman, but Deena carried the deuterium. Ayala could not be beamed aboard the Val Jean without also beaming the Telarites over with him.

‚What about Ayala?' Deena asked and grabbed Seska's hand holding the communicator.

‚I will not wait and get myself killed.' Seska growled and Deena could feel the transporter beam start. She let go of the deuterium can and winced as she rematerialised on the Val Jean.

‚Beam me back!' Deena yelled at B'Elanna. ‚Ayala is still over there and needs help!'

‚The stupid woman let of of the deuterium!' Seska snarled and walked over to Chakotay.

Chakotay frowned and looked at the two women. The bajoran Maquis had dishonorably left her comrade to fight for himself and the newly added member of the crew had apparently let go of the deuterium to make sure that they would be beamed back, if not for Ayala, at least for the deuterium. Sometimes, he despised Seska for her coldness.

‚B'Elanna, beam Deena and me back onto the freighter.'

Ayala held back a curse as he saw Seska and Deena dematerialise and struggled against the two Telarites. He managed to throw one of them over his shoulder and onto the ground, but the second one pulled a phaser out of his jacket and pointed it at Ayala. The tall Maquis was so focused on his enemy, that he did not notice the transporter beam behind him and jumped as a phaser stream passed by him and knocked the Telarite unconsious. As he turned around, he saw Deena and Chakotay with phasers in their hands.

‚Ayala, grab the deuterium and let's go!' Chakotay yelled, while Deena rushed over to him and helped him with the deuterium.

‚Thank you.' Ayala looked down at her and smiled while the transporter beam carried them to safety.


	3. Chapter 3

‚You are hurt.' Deena looked at Ayala's split lip.

‚It's just a scratch.' Ayala gave the deuterium to B'Elanna and glared at Seska, who had the decency to look ashamed.

‚B'Elanna, get the warp drive online.' Chakotay knew that he had to get the crew going to avoid a fight between them. ‚Deena, you can take care of Ayala – no, Tarik, let her take a look at it, it does look nasty and Telarites tend to care less about hygiene than we do.'

Ayala rolled his eyes and glared at Seska one last time before he left the transporter room for the tiny infirmary. Deena followed him and carefuly eyed the man. He was fuming, she could tell, but he did not say a word. Only his dark eyes betrayed how angry he was.

‚I'm sorry.' Deena murmured and raised the dermal regenerator.

Ayala looked at her with a confused expression. ‚What are you sorry for?'

‚I am sorry that you got hurt. That freighter was my idea, maybe we should have waited for a Ferengi freighter or something…..' Deena was interrupted as Ayala took her chin into his hand and lifted her head so that she had to look up at him.

‚That freighter was a good idea. And you weren't the one who left me hanging.' Ayala sighed and let go of Deena's chin.

Deena smiled sadly and looked up at his handsome face. ‚Would you please sit down? You are so tall and I can't reach….the injury.'

Ayala gave her a boyish smile which made her feel a bit warm and sat down until their faces were at the same level. Deena wondered how the mostly stern looking man who did not talk much could change when he smiled. He looked carefree then and much younger than he probably was. Deena looked at the split lip and the memory of how these lips kissed her, made her thoughts fade away for a moment.

Ayala smiled when he saw Deena's unfocused look when she starred at his lip. He knew that she was thinking about their kiss. He had to admit, that he had thought about their kiss as well. Ayala was not a shy man, he liked flirting and he had had his share of affairs – after his marriage had ended of course. He had always been faithful to his wife and he was still believing to love her. That did not rule out having a little bit of fun with a woman who also looked after some casual intimacy.

Deena took a deep breath and held onto Ayala's face to use the dermal regenerator. She watched the blue ray as it moved over the split lip and closed the wound. Soon, the gash was closed and she let go of Ayala's face. She did not know what exactly it was, but somehow her attraction to Ayala bothered her. She had a job to do and she could not let herself be distracted by a handsome man. And she had the bad feeling that it was a bit more than attraction that sparked her interest in him. No way she would let that happen, she had enough problems at the moment, the last thing she needed was a man and a screwed up mission.

‚As good as new.' Deena gave him an encouraging smile.

‚Thank you.' Ayala slowly stood up. He was torn between wanting to kiss her again and wanting to leave as quickly as possible. Deena did not seem like a woman who was into casual relationships and he did not want to hurt her. He tried to quickly change the subject. ‚Have you encountered any resistence on your way to the engineering room by the way?'

‚Only the chief engineer.' Deena answered truthfully. ‚He was easy to disable though.'

Deena shook her head when she thought about how the Telarite had looked at her and sneered. He had underestimated her and it had been easy to knock him out, since his cover was down. But that was not why Ayala had asked.

‚You still do not believe that I can actually defend myself?' Deena believed that she was supposed to be grateful that the Maquis underestimated her as well, but nevertheless, people who thought that she was some kind of defenseless doll made her angry.

Ayala saw the frown on her face and took a step back. He had not wanted to make her angry and he was used to softer women – well, before he joined the Maquis. Most Maquis women were aggressive and strong and Deena seemed like neither of it. She was fit, but Ayala doubted that she would have a chance in direct hand to hand combat with someone bigger and stronger. And he was curious and wanted to know why a woman like her had actually needed to learn to defend herself in such a young age. She had not suffered under Cardassian or other occupation of her homeland. She did not have a haunted expression like many of the Maquis, who feared for the lives of their beloved ones back home. But maybe that was some topic for a later time.

‚I'm sorry, I did not want to offend you.' Ayala tried a reassuring smile and both jumped when the door to the infirmary shoot open and Chell burst into the small room, nearly knocking Ayala over.

‚Cardassians!' he sputtered and waved them. He was completely out of breath from running through the Val Jean to get them, since the com system was down – again.

It took a while for all three of them to get out of the infirmary and Deena nearly had to laugh when she watched Ayala and Chell trying to squeeze though the narrow door at the same time.

While Chell hurried to main engineering, Ayala and Deena ran to the bridge, where Chakotay, Torres and Tuvok were already working franctically. It did not take long until the Val Jean was hit by cardassian phaser fire.

‚This is Gul Evek, of the Fourth Order. Deactivate your shields and surrender or I will be forced to –‚ Deena could not hear more, for Chakotay had ended the transmission. She actually knew Evek, she had met him on the Enterprise over a year ago when the Dorvan system was given to the Cardassians. Although he was arrogant and proud, Evek had also shown some integrity that day. The Cardassians were attacked on Dorvan V, but Evek had chosen the peaceful way out and told his men to leave the planet without a fight. There had been no bloodshed – that day. Evek had told Picard that he had already lost two of three sons in war and that he did not want to lose his last son as well. Deena had seen the pain and grief in his eyes and realised that the Cardassians were no different than any other war survivors. She had just hoped that the Cardassian government would have learned from the occupations, that the colonies of men and bajorans did not accept to be surpressed. Apparently, Cardassians also learned as slowly of their mistakes like any other species did.

Deena tried to get more energy to the impuls drive as she heard Chakotay, B'Elanna and Tuvok discuss how to proceed. The Val Jean took course into the Badlands and began elegantly navigating through the plasma storms. The Vetar under Gul Eveks command followed them foolishly and was hit by a plasma storm. With that menace gone, the crew of the Val Jean relaxed until the ship was hit by an unknown beam only moments later. Tuvok detected an polarized energy wave rolling towards the Val Jean and the next thing Deena knew was that the tiny ship was hit by something incredibly forceful and that Ayala and her were thrown against the consols before everything went black.

‚Damnit!' B'Elanna's voice woke Deena from her blackout and she slowly opened her eyes. Half of the consols were burned out and a Maquis woman who had worked on the bridge with them, was lying dead at her side, her eyes wide open in death. Deena jumped as a strong hand grabbed her shoulder.

‚Are you alright?' Chakotay looked down and her and then helped her up. Deena looked around and saw B'Elanna and Ayala work on the few remaining consoles and Tuvok scanning the vicinity.

‚Anything new from the phalanx?' Chakotay asked the Vulcan, but he shook his head.

‚Nothing. Just a single lifesign.' Tuvok reported.

‚What happened?' Deena looked at the data in front of her. Their position made her vision go blurry. ‚70.000 lightyears.'

‚What?' Chakotay looked over her shoulder.

‚We are 70.000 lightyears away from our last position.' Deena could feel everyone on the bridge hold their breath and look at her in shock.

‚The Delta Quadrant?' Tuvok was the only one who seemed unaffected by the news.

‚The sensors must be malfunctioning.' B'Elanna walked over to Deena as a white flash blinded everyone. When they opened their eyes again, they weren't on the Val Jean anymore.

‚What in the name of…' Hogan looked around with wide eyes. The crew of the Val Jean stood on a marketplace which looked like the one of Dorvan V. An old friendly indian woman walked up to them and offered them drinks.

‚Where are we?' Chakotay walked up to the old woman and gently grabbed her elbow. ‚What is this?'

‚Welcome, take a drink.' the old woman. ‚Drink and eat while you are waiting.'

‚Why are we here? And what are we waiting for?' Chakotay asked, but the woman had already moved on to other crewmembers.

A young woman walked over to Ayala and Hogan and began flirting with them, while a tall man and a few children tried to make Seska and B'Elanna join them dancing. Deena would have laughed if the situation would not have been so threatening. She took out her tricorder and walked to one of the bigger houses. As she walked near a small barn, she heard steps behind her and noticed that the young woman who had flirted with the men had followed her.

‚Come back! We were just about to bring some fresh fruit!' the woman seemd friendly, but she tried to lure her away from the barn.

‚These are high energy readings.' Deena ignored her plead. ‚What is behind that wall?'

‚Nothing, come now.' the woman's smile began to falter. ‚I am sorry if we scared you. But you have to wait.'

‚Wait for what?' Deena had heard that Chakotay had asked the same question, but had not gotten an answer.

‚Come, we even have passion fruit!' the woman grabbed Deena's arm and pulled, but Deena jerked her arm free. The woman glared at her and tried to grab her again. Deena walked back until her back hit the wall ad the woman sneered. ‚You will go back or I will drag you back!'

‚You can try.' Deena glared at the woman and took a defensive position as the woman charged at her. Then, Deena saw another shadow behind the woman and smiled.

Chakotay, Ayala, Hogan and Kurt Bendera hurried down the street towards the small barn where B'Elanna had disappeared into. When they stepped through the door, they could hear fighting noises and quickly ran towards them.

‚What the…..?' Chakotay frowned at the scene before him. Deena was struggling to keep the young indian woman down, while B'Elanna was searching the wall in the back.

‚You leave the girls for one minute….' Kurt Bendera smirked and leaned back to watch how Deena and the indian woman rolled around on the floor. They knew now, that the civilians were all holograms and it amazed him, that the romulan woman held her ground against the stronger computer program.

‚What the hell are you staring at?' Deena glared up to the four men watching and bared her teeth.

For the first time since they met, Chakotay understood how people at the academy could think that B'Elanna and Deena were both Klingons.

‚Bets, anyone?' Hogan grinned and nodded towards Deena. They knew that Deena would not be able to hurt the hologram, but she would be able to hold her down. ‚I say B'Elanna will have 30 more seconds to get that wall down before the hologram kicks her butt.'

Chakotay and Ayala grinned and quickly took cover as the hologram was sent flying towards the men, knocking down Hogan and Bendera.

‚Got it!' B'Elanna triumphed and the wall disappeared. But with the disappearing of the wall, more holograms were surrounding them. The old woman from the market place was there as well.

‚Since you did not want to wait, we will proceed.' she sneered and pointed a bony finger at Chakotay.

Ayala, who had helped Deena up, froze as he saw his captain disappear, B'Elanna, Hogan and Bendera disappearing shortly after him. Next thing Ayala and Deena felt was a freezing cold air filling their lungs and a stinging pain piercing their chests.


	4. Chapter 4

Deena woke up with of the worst headache she ever had. When she managed to open her eyes, she noticed that they were back on the Val Jean, she was on the floor of the bridge with Chakotay, Tuvok and Ayala. But there was no sign of B'Elanna.

‚B'Elanna?' Deena's voice was raspy as if it had not used it for a while. ‚Computer, locate B'elanna Torres.'

B'Elanna Torres is not on board.

‚What?' Chakotay was on his feet immediately.

‚We have been on this phalanx for three days.' Tuvok informed them. ‚And we have company.'

The Maquis frowned at the Federation starship in front of them. It was a class they had never encountered before. Deena remembered this Intrepid class ship from her briefings, it was specifically designed to maneuver in dangerous spaces like the Badlands and had biogenic technology on board. And it was fast. The Val Jean would not be able to flee from that ship, but then again, where to go in the Delta Quadrant? There was only one way. Home.

Deena bit her lip, if they contacted the ship, she would have no choice to reveal her true identity. She had only spent a few days with the Maquis, but she felt hard regrets about her mission. She almost felt relieved that they were in the Delta Quadrant now, so that she was not able to contact Starfleet Intelligence.

‚Get the engines back online, we will not wait for the Federation to lock a tractor beam on us!' Chakotay took the Con and Tuvok moved to the seat B'Elanna had taken before. But the Federation starship already contacted them. It was a female captain and she introduced herself as Captain Kathryn Janeway. Deena knew only little about her, she knew that Janeway had served under Admiral Paris as a Science Officer and that she was very bright and had a promising career ahead of her. If they ever made it back. Although he tried to be discreet, Deena noticed that Tuvok stiffened as the Federation captain introduced herself, but neither nor the other Maquis noticed. Janeway asked Chakotay if there was a federation crewman tranferred to the Val Jean by mistake and it turned out, that B'Elanna was not the only one missing. Janeway and Chakotay agreed that it would be most efficient to work together on the matter of the missing crewmen and Chakotay decided that he would beam over to the ship with Tuvok and Ayala. Bendera, Seska and Deena stayed on the bridge of the Val Jean and started with the repairs. It took three hours for them to return, but without Tuvok and also without B'Elanna. Within a few moments the whole crew knew about the traitor and many of them were aggressively demanding revenge.

‚We could board Voyager and surprise the crew.' Seska proposed. ‚The Federation is naiv and weak, they will not see it coming. And then I'll personally take care of the Vulcan.'

‚Maybe we could all take our turn in him.' Lon Suder, the man with the dangerous expression on his face, added grimly. Deena did not even want to imagine what the crew would do to her if they found out that she was a spy as well.

‚We have other worries than revenge on a starfleet officer.' Chakotay tried to stop the bloodthirst within his crew. ‚And I do not want to hear a word about Paris, either.'

Chakotay had told his crew about the Admiral's son and former Maquis. That made another traitor in their list.

‚Now what?' Bendera asked. ‚There is no sign from B'Elanna and we still do not know how to return home.'

‚That phalanx brought us here, it should be able to bring us back.' Hogan insisted.

‚We will not go without B'Elanna.' Deena answered before Chakotay could. ‚Besides, I think that if whatever creature is in that phalanx could have brought us back, it might have done so already. Or maybe it does not want to bring us back. We are in no condition to fight it.'

‚But the Federation vessel is!' Hogan insisted. ‚They could attack the phalanx and force it to bring us home!'

‚Now, all of a sudden, the Federation ship is good enough for you?' Deena shook her head. ‚It's against Federation principles. No attacks unless in self defense!'

,Then maybe we should attack them first, like Seska said.' Jonas endorsed and many Maquis nodded.

,No!' Deena sighed in relief when Chakotay put his foot down. ‚There will be no attacks! We are missing a friend and she deserves to be rescued.'

‚We do not even know where she is!' Seska exclaimed. ‚We should use our chance and return home before it's too late.'

‚I cannot believe you, Seska!' Chakotay started to get angry. ‚She is your best friend and you want to abandon her?'

Deena saw Ayala's expression darken when he looked at Seska. He had not forgotten how Seska had left him on the Telarite freighter to rescue herself.

‚The impulses from the phalanx go to the fifth planet in the next system.' Bendera tried to get the crew's focus into their next task. ‚Voyager is on it's way there and we should follow until we know more.'

Deena walked down the narrow corridor of the Val Jean, deep in thoughts and always looking over her shoulder. She almost expected Seska or Suder to jab a knife into her back the moment they had the chance. Until B'Elanna had been taken, Deena had slept in her quarters together with Seska, but now she doubted that it was a good idea to even close her eyes around the bajoran woman. Maybe if Seska spent the night with Chakotay, Deena could get some sleep, but after how things had developped after Seska had proposed to leave B'Elanna behind, Chakotay probably wasn't in the mood for company. There was a quiet and small corner near the engine room with a small window, where Deena sat down and curled into. She looked out and frowned.

‚The stars look different here, don't they?' a cold voice made Deena jump. Suder had actually followed her and now she was stuck in that corner with no way out. Despite the dangerous situation, she tried to stay calm.

‚They are different.' Deena smiled sadly. ‚These aren't the same stars as we see them at home.'

‚Where is home for you?' to Deena's surprise, Suder seemed interested. ‚Romulus? Earth?'

This was actually a good question. Deena loved San Fransisco and other places on earth, but she had grown up on one of the moons of Remus. Sometimes she felt as if she had no home.

‚I do not know.' she answered truthfully and Suder seemed to understand. ‚Where is your home?'

‚The Maquis are my home.' Suder answered immediately and Deena closed her eyes in defeat. She was his enemy and she was afraid of him. But Suder was still blocking her only way out of the corner.

Ayala walked down the corridors of the Val Jean, as he heard Lon Suder's voice coming from his favorite spot on this ship. There was this corner near the engine room with a window and some privacy, because most of the Maquis stayed in their quarters or the mess. And since the crew of the Val Jean had to share their quarters due to little space, corners like this were the only way to be alone. He stopped in his tracks and peered around the corner. Suder was standing in front of the window, speaking quietly and Ayala could hear a female voice answering him as calmly. He was curious, because the only woman who would speak to Suder alone was Seska and the voice did not sound like hers. The other women on the ship avoided Suder like the plague, they did not trust him and were even afraid of him. Ayala took another step towards the window and saw Deena sitting in his favorite spot, her knees pulled up against her body, her voice calm, but her eyes on alert. Suder did not seem like a threat at the moment, but Ayala knew that this could change any second. Suder was unpredictable. Deena always awoke a protective instinct in Ayala, he could not pinpoint it, but although she was obviously capable to defend herself, Ayala wanted to take care that nothing happened to her. So he stepped forward and gently pushed Suder out of the way.

‚Mind if I join you?' he asked Deena and put on a carefree smile. Turning towards Suder, he nodded at the man, who politely withdrew. When Suder was out of earshot, Ayala could hear Deena take a deep breath.

‚Thank you.' Deena smiled shyly. ‚This man is creepy.'

Ayala had to laugh at her statement, because nobody had referred to Suder as creepy before, the words used to describe him had always been more explicit or even nasty.

‚You're welcome.'

Ayala was usually no man of much words, so he walked closer and sat down opposite of Deena. Due to the limited space, their legs were crossing and he could feel Deena stiffen, he only hoped that it was not because of him.

‚I can leave….if you want to be alone.' Deena offered and tried to sit up.

‚I came here to be alone, but the company I found is so much better.' Ayala grinned and knew that it was a really cheesy line. He hoped that a little humor would make the situation more comfortable.

Deena chuckled and shook her head. ‚The tallest guy on the ship wants to squeeze himself into this little corner? That must be really interesting company.'

Deena had not wanted to start a flirt, but the atmosphere was relaxed and she felt at ease, despite the almost hopeless situation. She had not family to miss back home, for her being stranded in the Delta Quadrant was no big deal. But it was for Ayala. Deena could almost see the panic in the man's eyes, the fear never to see his family again.

‚I am sorry, I should not have…..' Deena closed her eyes and sighed. ‚I should leave.'

Deena was about to stand up, when a warm hand grabbed hers and pulled her back down. She found herself kneeling between Ayalas stretched legs and could feel the warmth radiating from his body. It was a delight, given that she was always feeling cold, especially in space. Deena took her time to look at the man sitting in front of her. The thick black hair with the slight wave in it, the stubble which made his face even more distinctive, the broad shoulders, the line of hair on his chest which showed in the opening of his shirt, the warm and big hands and – most striking – the warm look in his dark eyes. Despite the always stern look on his face, Ayala managed to look kind and Deena knew that she could trust him. She felt safe in his presence and started to think about what to do next. Should she tell him who she really was and what kind of mission she had to do? But what if they never managed to get home and the Federation vessel was destroyed? Then she would not need to tell anyone about her mission. She would not disappoint anyone, not B'lanna, not Ayala, not Chakotay. But for Deena, this was no option. They would need Voyager if they wanted to survive, the Val Jean was too weak to survive in a new Quadrant full of unknown dangers. And Deena was not like Seska, she would never sacrifize others to make her own life more comfortable. She was about to tell Ayala the truth, as she felt his lips close onto hers.

Ayala smiled as he saw Deena checking him out. But slowly, the warm gleam in her eyes disappeared and was replaced by something he thought was worry. She started to frown and bit her lip in a way that was not sensual anymore, but had to hurt. He wanted to ask what went wrong, but decided to kiss away her worries instead, that had worked fine at the bar on Dorvan. He slowly leaned in and realised that she had been deep in thought, because she flinched as his lips gently caressed hers. Just as he was about to draw back, she started kissing him back, shyly at first, but then her kiss became more passionate. Ayala smiled into the kiss and grabbed her waist to pull her closer to him. Her hands moved over his neck and into his hair, grasping a few streaks and pulling slightly. Deena loved his hair, it was thick and wavy and always gave her the urge to move her hands through it. She moaned quietly as Ayala's hand cupped her jaw and the kiss became slow and deep. But the butterflies in Deena's stomach could not replace the knots of her bad conscience. Deena was an honest person and she could not continue lying to the man she was kissing for the second time in a week. Not now, when there was so much at stake. She knew that blowing her cover would get her into big trouble, but at least Ayala would not kill her – she hoped. With a deep sigh of regret, she pulled back and winced at Ayala's questioning look.

‚Is everything alright?' Ayala asked and his voice was full of honest concern, which made Deena feel even more like scum. ‚Did Suder….?'

‚No.' Deena quickly interrupted. She did not like the Betazoid, but he had done nothing to her. ‚It's not that…..'

Deena closed her eyes. She could not bear looking Ayala in the eye when she told him the truth. In short sentences, she informed Ayala of her mission and her true identity. She could feel him stiffen and pull back and let go of his arms, so that he could stand up and walk away from her. He did not kill her, but the following sentence hurt.

‚I almost regret rescuing you from Suder.'


	5. Chapter 5

Deena closed her eyes in defeat. She deserved this, but his words still hurt.

‚I almost regret rescuing you from Suder.'

The words were worse than a fist to the nose. Deena bit her lip and nodded, still not looking up at the furious man. Although Ayala was angry, he did not yell and stayed calm and reserved, but that made everything even worse. Deena preferred if someone yelled at her in such a situation. The calm disappointment was worse than anything else he could have done.

‚So this….' Ayala pointed at the two of them. ‚This was just…a mission?'

His question made Deena look up at him. She was still sitting on the floor and Ayala was standing, but she could see the hurt in his eyes. At first she was surprised, for she had thought that this was just a meaningless fling for him. But then she thought that his pride was probably hurt and that he simply did not like to be used. Nevertheless, the chemistry between them had not been part of her mission- on the contrary, it had complicated everything.

‚No.' Deena tried to convince him. ‚This….was not part of the mission. I never wanted to involve you in such a way.'

‚You wanted to hand me over to the Federation. Me and the others. And your friend, B'Elanna.' Deena winced as she heard the disgust in his voice. ‚I misjudged you…and that does not happen a lot to me.'

Deena did not know what to answer to that. Nothing she could say would help and she knew that there was in fact nothing that would excuse her betrayal.

‚It was my job. I never wanted to hurt any of you, but it was….'

‚A job, I get it.' Ayala shook his head. ‚I will walk you to the transporter room and contact Voyager. And then I will inform the Captain.'

‚I can speak to Chakotay.' Deena offered, but Ayala shook his head.

‚You are the second traitor on board of this ship. Chakotay trusted you and I do not even want to know how B'Elanna will react if we will ever find her. I want you off this ship as soon as possible. If the others find out, Suder will be the least of your problems.' Ayala felt numb as he decided to help Deena one last time. He hated the fact that she was right, it had been a job and she had only performed her duty. Still, her betrayal was bitter. He had liked her – more than he cared to admit, but now everything was a mess. He grabbed her elbow and pulled her up, not gently, but also not roughly and guided her to the transporter room. First the Vulcan turned out to be a Federation spy and now her. Sometimes he really hated the Federation. They had surrendered their own people to the Cardassians and now even treated them like criminals, because they had dared to fight back the occupants of their homes. The Vulcan and Deena – and Tom Paris as he had learned on Voyager – were all what was wrong with the Federation. He had wanted to punch the Vulcan for his betrayal, but he did not know what to do with Deena. He simply wanted her gone.

They did not meet anyone on their way there and Deena was almost relieved to be beamed to the Federation vessel. But it hurt to leave things that way.

‚Ayala….' she tried as Ayala prepared to beam her away, but her words I am sorry were swallowed by the transporter beam.

‚Do I need to know why your cover blew?' Captain Janeway asked Deena and sighed. Deena's mission was of no importance anymore since they were stranded in the Delta Quadrant and were missing two crew members, but if they had to work together with the Maquis, two Federation crewmen who had betrayed their trust would complicate everything.

‚No Ma'am.' Deena pressed her lips together. She would not say a word about how she ruined her very first mission.

‚It's not crunch time, I prefer Captain to Ma'am.' Janeway said and decided to let go of the subject. ‚Your file contains your qualifications: high skills in diplomacy, sociology and psychology. Best graduate in these subjects on the academy for the last decade actually. We could use such skills on Voyager.'

‚I am no counselor, Ma'am….Captain.' Deena sighed. She felt like a traitor and a failure and the last thing she could think about was to listen to even more problems. She did not even know how to help herself, she would not be able to comfort others.

‚Maybe not, but you are close.' Janeway sighed deeply. ‚We might not be able to return the way we were brought here and seventy years are a long time. The crew will need emotional support and I need something close enough to a professional counselor if we will chose the long way.'

‚It sounds as if you had already chosen to go the long way.' Deena frowned.

‚I always expect the worst.' Janeway shrugged her shoulders and leaned back in her chair. ‚But first, we will find Harry Kim and B'Elanna Torres. I trust that you have an interest in finding your friend?'

‚I do.' Deena nodded. ‚Although I doubt that she still sees a friend in me after all that I did.'

‚You did your job.' Janeway stated and Deena wondered if the Captain was really that cold. ‚If she is your friend, she will understand.'

‚Would you understand in her place?' Deena asked doubtfully. ‚I would not.'

‚Maybe she will surprise you.' Janeway smiled and grabbed her pad. ‚But first, we will need to find her and Harry Kim.'

It took days and the help of a friendly Talaxian named Neelix and a young Ocampa called Kes to find Ensign Harry Kim and B'Elanna. But the Caretaker, the lifeform inside the phalanx which brought Voyager and the Val Jean into the Delta Quadrant revealed his secret and Captain Janeway made a decision which would seal the fate of the two crews. The Caretaker had tried to save the Ocampa from an unfriendly race, called the Kazon. After his death, he feared that the Kazon would take over the phalanx and would take advantage of it's powers, to the misery of all other races of this sector. Although the Prime Directive of the Federation forbid any intervention, Captain Janeway decided to destroy the phalanx. She had made friends that day, but also powerful enemies. The Kazon tribes were dangerous and numerous and would follow and hunt down Voyager on it's path home. The Val Jean had been destroyed by the Kazon and the Maquis crew had been affiliated into the Federation crew, which had lost many crewmen when the Caretaker had brought them into the Delta Quadrant. Chakotay took the post of First Officer, which would hopefully make the cooperation between the two crews easier.

Deena doubted that the fusion of the two crews would work as well as Captain Janeway expected. There was a lot of distrust and hatred on both sides and the existence of three traitors, Tuvok, Paris and herself, would provoke many of the Maquis. Especially her new post as the ships counselor was pure mockery in her eyes and she had filed a protest, which had been ignored by Captain Janeway. None of the Maquis had spoken a word to Deena since the merge of the crews and B'Elanna did not even look at her. She had smiled in relief as Deena had beamed down along with Chakotay, Paris, Tuvok and Janeway to rescue her, but when Seska of all people told her in what mission Deena had joined the Maquis, B'Elannas smiled froze and Deena could tell that her Klingon temper was rising. Before she could hit her former best friend, B'Elanna turned her back on her and walked away. Merely Chakotay professionaly acknowledged Deena's existence and politely greeted her when they met.

Deena had met Ayala on the bridge as Captain Janeway had uttered her welcoming speech. He wore a uniform of a starfleet security officer now, which almost made Deena chuckle, thinking about how they met. His hair was brushed back in a starfleet protocol kind of way and he had shaved, which made him look less rakish than before. He was supposed to work on the back of the bridge, directly behind Deena's new working position on the console behind the Captain and the First Officer. He had simply acknowleded Deena's presence and her new blue uniform with a frown and had ignored her again. It hurt more than Deena had expected and made her hate herself even more. She knew now, that her job at Starfleet Intelligence had been exciting and new, but that it meant so much more. She had no family or close friends, the few friends she had were spies as well and would take her disappearance with professional coolness. Nobody would miss her and she missed no one in return. Although this was way better than leaving behind friends and family, Deena felt lost and the distrust of the Voyager crew did not help. She understood the former Maquis crewmen, but the Starfleet staff also showed nothing but distrust towards her. It made her job as a ships counselor impossible and Deena was at a loss what to do. She did not even know why the Starfleet staff did not trust her, but to be honest, she started to lose interest in blending in with each passing day.

The new situation was a mess for everyone involved. The consequence of Janeways actions was that most crewmembers found themselves torn apart from their families without the opportunity of having said goodbye and it broke their hearts. The new quadrant was dangerous and Voyager was alone, which added to the anxiety for the crew. In addition, the crews had to learn to work and live together, which was almost the most difficult obstacle to realise. The crewmen who shared quartes were mostly from the same original crew, either Maquis or Federation, but a few quarters had to be mixed. So far, none of the crewmen had to be brought to sickbay, but it was close enough. When Captain Janeway asked Deena to help in that matter, Deena felt as if the Captain was kidding her.

‚I am the only person on board, who has neither the trust of the Federation nor the Maquis.' if the situation had not been that dangerous, Deena would have laughed. ‚What am I supposed to do? And please, with all due respect – Captain – this post is a joke. Nobody trusts me and I am supposed to make everyone feel better? A counselor works together with his patients and the first step is trust. Without trust there is no talking and without talking there is no solving problems. It's as easy as that. And nobody will talk to me. As long as nobody points a phaser at the heads of the crew, I am afraid that there is nothing I can do.'

‚You are not even trying.' Captain Janeway frowned. ‚I do not know what happened on the Val Jean and between you and the Maquis crew and honestly I do not care, but you have been hiding behind excuses since we merged the crews and this is not acceptable. The crews are doing their best to work together and I officially ask you to get a grip and do what is expected from a Federation officer. You are the counselor of this ship. Act like it. Dismissed.'

Deena grinded her teeth and refrained from answering to that, for deep down she knew that the Captain was right. She was no green Cadet anymore and she had to pull herself together. With a sharp nod she turned on her heels and walked out the door – almost running into Chakotay and Ayala, who were on their way into the Captain's room. Deena was not in the mood for feelings of guilt and shying away from the former Maquis anymore. She nodded at Chakotay and gave Ayala a death glare before walking past them. Chakotay grinned and felt relief that the young woman seemed to have found herself again and he had to grin even more when he saw Ayala's puzzeled expression. From now on, his old crew would need to get used to the fact that they could not bully anyone around anymore.

‚For the love of God, do not try that tomato soup! Neelix cuisine is way better – believe me, it's that bad.' Deena jumped as Tom Paris adressed her when she ordered her lunch.

Tom Paris and Harry Kim had developped a strong friendship and since Harry Kim got along wih everybody, Tom Paris had a better standing in the crew than Deena had. But Deena liked the unlike couple of friends and they were two of the few people who were actually nice to her.

‚I don't know, Neelix cooking smells….' Deena grinned.

‚Weird? Funny? Smelly?' Tom waved his hand in the air. ‚Yeah, but still better than this tomato soup – AND it will save you replicator rations.'

‚You have a point.' Deena sighed. Replicator rations were scarce at the moment. ‚Ok, lets do it.'

‚Great.' Tom rubbed his hands together. ‚Neelix, we will take – whatever you have!'

‚Leola root omelett and purple salad, coming up!' Neelix grinned and made the food ready.

‚Purple salad?' Deena asked.

‚Yep and its really really purple.' Harry grinned. ‚Haven't you seen that one, yet? Neelix served it yesterday as Ceasar Purple Salad.'

‚I do not eat here a lot.' Deena admitted. She liked to eat in private in her quarters, but that cost her rations.

‚Ah, head up, eyes front and screw the others.' Tom clapped her shoulder. ‚They should get a grip. You did your job and that's that. How long can they punish you for that?'

‚Seventy years.' Deena remarked dryly and winced as she saw Harry's face fall. ‚Sorry, Harry, I did not mean to bring that up.'

Deena knew that beeing torn apart from his family on his first assignment was very hard for the young Ensign. She liked Harry and did not want to make his life harder by reminding him of the fact that they would probably reach the Alpha Quadrant when he was ninety two years old. At least he would still get to see the Alpha Quadrant, while most other crew members would die of old age if not worse before they made it home. Ironically, Deena had the life span of a Romulan, which meant that she would also live to see home if they really made it in seventy years. So much could happen and the new Quadrant was dangerous for a single ship.

‚It's ok.' Harry straightened his back. ‚I am already scanning for wormholes when I am on the bridge, we will find a faster way home.'

‚That's the spirit.' Deena grinned and patted his shoulder. ‚And until then…..what the heck is this?'

‚That's leola root omelett.' Paris grinned. ‚It tastes better than it looks…..a bit.'


	6. Chapter 6

Ayala rubbed his temple as he walked to the mess hall to get lunch. He had not slept at all that night and he had a twelve hour shift on the bridge later. Since they had stranded in the Delta Quadrant he had not slept well, he missed his sons so much that it physically hurt. If he fell asleep he dreamt of his home and his family, of the times when they were still together and happy. When he woke up alone in his bed and then dressed into the uniform he had learned to hate in the last years, he felt even more lost and hopeless. He had a picture of his wife and sons at his bedside. His wife Maria was a hot blooded South American woman, she had driven him crazy at times and them being so different had caused the rift lateron in their marriage. He still loved her and he hoped that they could find together again, but that was quite impossible being here, in the Delta Quadrant. And besides, she had made it clear that he should move on and that she did not want a reconciliation. Their boys had kept them together in a way though and Ayala hoped that this bond was strong enough to endure the distance.

Ayala sighed when he entered the mess hall and immediately smelled leola root. That blasted root seemed to grow everywhere and Neelix cooked everything with leola. Literally everything. Even the coffee was with leola and it tasted rotten. And that ridiculous purple salad was on the menu again as well. Ayala thought about staying hungry, but then he spotted some fellow Maquis crewmen and decided that lunch in good company would not be that bad, despite the unusual food. He sat down with Kurt Bendera, Hogan and Michael Jonas and forced some omelett down his throat. He was having a good time until he saw the door open and watched Deena walk to the food replicator. She had been wearing a completely black uniform, since the agents of Starfleet Intelligence wore black. She had changed it for her blue uniform and Ayala had noticed that she did not shy away from the former Maquis anymore and did not look down when they crossed path. While he was still angry at her, he felt more at ease around her and felt bad for her when he saw how some of the former Maquis treated her. But she had to go through this herself, he could not help her even if he wanted to. His former comrades, especially the group around Seska, would only hate her more because she had managed to find friends within the Maquis. Ayala watched as Deena thought about what to order, but was interrupted by Tom Paris and Harry Kim. He felt anger as he watched Tom Paris smile at her and her smiling back. There was no interest in her smile, but Ayala still felt a twinge of anger when he watched her talk to the two Federation officers. She seemed more at ease with them, on one hand Ayala understood, but on the other hand he still wished that she had not betrayed them and would not have gotten all the bullying from the Maquis.

‚Would you look at that? The traitors have a chat.' Michael Jonas crossed his arms. ‚Seems as if these two found each other.'

‚Come now, cut her some slack.' Bendera frowned. ‚She did her job and technically she did not betray anyone of us.'

‚Because she did not have the chance.' Hogan frowned. ‚I can't believe that I hit on her when she was on board.'

‚You hit on her?' Ayala asked before he could stop himself.

‚Female spies know how to use their looks.' a female voice sneered from behind them. Ayala mentally rolled his eyes when he saw Seska join them. B'Elanna followed her and glanced at Deena with a dark expression.

‚What do you know about female spies, Seska?' Bendera asked joyfully. ‚Or are you afraid that she might snatch Chakotay from you? I heard that he thinks about going to counseling soon.'

They all knew that this was not true, but the male Maquis enjoyed making fun of Seska's obvious obssession with their fearless leader. Even Ayala had to smirk when he saw Seska's shocked face.

‚Making her the ship's counselor is such a joke.' B'Elanna sneared. ‚Who would trust her? Not us, that's for sure.'

‚She was a big part of your rescue, aren't you a bit ungrateful?' Bendera held up his hands as B'Elanna glared at him. ‚I get that you feel betrayed, but she is your friend and from what you told me about her, you were the one who left her hanging at the academy. She was a true friend to you and took the klingon bashing together with you and you left her alone when you gave up. She has the right to be angry at you as well, you know. But she understood that you did what you thought was best for you and did not hold a grudge. Maybe you should return that favor. Having enemies on this ship will be straining for the next seventy years.'

‚Why are you defending her?' Seska asked angrily as she saw that B'Elanna blushed at Benderas words. ‚She is a traitor and she would have brought us all into prison in the Alpha Quadrant.'

‚Maybe, but at the moment, we are all stuck here and we will all have to start over if this journey is supposed to work.' Bendera stood up. ‚Now, if you will excuse me, my shift in engineering begins in a few minutes.'

Hogan accompanied Bendera to engineering and left Ayala with Seska's gang.

‚I don't know about Paris, but Harry is a nice guy.' B'Elanna watched as Paris, Kim and Deena sat down at a table together.

‚Ensign Kim is young and naïve.' Seska sneared. ‚Shows that he has two traitors as friends.'

Ayala sighed and cursed his luck. Seska's negativity and hatred towards Deena made his day even darker and fulled his own anger. He watched as Deena and the two Federation officers talked and even laughed a bit. Deena seemed more at ease now, but her eyes were not smiling along with the rest of her face. He wondered if she had family or close friends in the Alpha Quadrant or even a partner. He wondered if she missed her home as much as he did. But he would not ask, he did not want to be near her more than he already was. They worked only a few feet away from each other on the bridge. When he turned towards the screen, he had to look past her and sometimes she moved to the consol next to his to work for a few moments. He could not help put register her presence so close to him and he still had to think about their closeness on the Val Jean. The memory of their kisses confused him even more. He missed his wife and wanted to be back with her, but he felt attracted to Deena could not help to remember her lips on his and her hands in his hair. Their last kiss had left him wanting more and he almost hated himself and her for it.

‚Suder told me that you had a bit of private time with the Romulan on the Val Jean.' Ayala closed his eyes in annoyance when he heard Seskas words. Suder had no reason to talk to Seska about Deena and him and he suspected that Seska had simply seen them together after Suder had left. ‚How do you feel with having been used like that?'

With a deep frown, Ayala turned towards Seska, who had the decency to look a bit ashamed.

‚All I know is that you are using me for your petty little games, Seska.' Ayala growled. ‚Keep your poisonous words to yourself and don't drag me into this.'

He did not want to talk about Deena and him and he was furious that Seska had revealed what had happened between them so openly. It was difficult enough dealing with what had happened without her interfering. With a last snarl at Seska, Ayala stood up from the table and wanted to leave the mess hall. When he turned and rushed to the exit door, he ran into someone who had turned to the door from the replicator. He heard a female vioce yelp and grabbed the woman's shoulders before he realised who it was. When he looked down and looked into Deena's face, he let go of her shoulders as if he had burned his hands. The hurt look on Deena's face awoke anger as well as pity in him and he cursed the mixed feelings which confused him and made him focus on the wrong things. All of his feelings were invested in missing his family, he wanted to drown in the pain of having lost them and the sensation which Deena awoke in him distracted him from his family. The fact that Deena occupied many of his thoughts angered him and he nearly shoved her away before he could remember him manners. In the end, he gently pushed her away from him, but it did not help the hurt look on her face.

‚Sorry….Lieutenant.' Deena's voice sounded calm and guarded as she stepped back. ‚I did not look where I was going.'

Deena tried to force her voice to stay calm as she stepped back from Ayala. She had seen him sit with his former Maquis comrades, but she had hoped to leave the mess hall before he would. She had brought her plate back to the replicator and had wanted to leave when Ayala had bumped into her in a hurry. Apparently, he had wanted to get away as quickly as possible as well. His reaction to her hurt, but Deena was sick of behaving like a love sick teenager. So she straightened her back and forced her emotions away – like a Vulcan – on the inside she rolled her eyes.

‚Sorry…Lieutenant.' Deena could see that he flinched at the formal address, but if she wanted to build a professional relation to the crew on Voyager, then she would have to start now. And the best way to do that was to not let the memory of what happened on the Val Jean cloud her days…and nights. She felt attracted to men in the past, but she felt butterfiles in her stomach moving in warp speed when she thought about their past closeness. His tongue caressing hers and his hands on her hips had left her wanting more, but she knew that this would never happen now that she had betrayed him like that.

‚It's fine…..counselor.' Ayala's voice brought her back to reality. She looked up at him and saw the smirk on his face, but it was not a friendly one. He seemed to find the title counselor as ridiculous as herself, but his obvious dismissal of her position angered her. Usually she was not shy for words, but this time she did not know what to say or how to react and it made her even more angry.

‚Feel free to speak your mind openly, Lieutenant.' Deena frowned and walked away. ‚It has a therapeutic effect.'

Deena sighed when the door closed behind her and decided to visit the holo deck after her shift, she needed a break and desperatly needed to break a few noses. She had a Klingon training programm and decided that it would be necessary to use it; it had been months since she last used it. But either that or she would really break someone's nose. In an angry haze she walked all the way to the bridge. She had no patients today – ever actually – and so she stayed on the bridge to help out. When she took her consol behind the Captain's chair, she could see that Chakotay was the acting Captain on that shift. She liked the Indian man, he was the only one who treated her like any other person. She smiled at him and felt relief as he smiled back, only to freeze at his next words directed at someone behind her.

‚Tarik.' he greeted Ayala, who had walked onto the bridge only moments after Deena.

‚Captain.' Deena wondered wether the Maquis still saw Chakotay as their captain and not Janeway. She wondered if she could talk to Chakotay about this after their shift.

‚Counselor, a word.' Deena's head jerked up as Chakotay adressed her and pointed to the briefing room. Apparently, someone else needed to talk as well.

‚Aye, Sir.' Deena glanced at Ayala, who seemed as surprised as she was. At least this did not seem to be a Maquis issue or else Ayala would have known.

Deena followed Chakotay to the briefing room and sat down opposite of him, waiting for what he had to say. Never eould she have guessed the following words.

‚I need your help merging thses two crews, counselor.' Chakotay looked at Deena with an amused smirk as she let out a snort.

‚My help?' Deena cocked an eyebrow at him, a very Vulcan gesture again. ‚Neither crew trusts me, how on Earth could you need my help of all people?'

‚See it as a chance. You can gain the trust of both crews and can do something to stabilise the mroal on this ship. Its your job, anyway.' Chakotay smiled as he saw Deena's caught expression. ‚And besides…..you owe me one.'

At that, Deena had to smile for the first time in days.

‚Alright. What do you have in mind, Commander?'

‚I want to hear your opinion on the matter first.' Chakotay had a feeling that Deena would have an idea.

‚Well….' Deena did have an idea, but she had never thought that it would be possible to set into action. ‚The original Federation crew had heavy loses, which could be relaced with former Maquis. All in all, I do not see a problem with Maquis taking the place of the lost Federation crewmen….but….the job of the chief engineer is still open. The Federation crewmen are already lining up to take it and a Maquis on that job would be – I am not sure wether it would be good for the morale.'

‚Which Maquis did you have in mind?' Chakotay asked, already knowing what Deena would answer.

‚B'Elanna of course.' Deena frowned. ‚She is the best engineer I know. But she lacks the other abilities of a chief engineer.'

‚Being?' Chakotay had the same worries, but he wanted to hear her out first.

‚B'Elanna is too hot headed, she has issues with team work and she does not take orders from people she does not respect.' Deena hated to speak of her friends weaknesses. But she is brilliant and she is able to learn – if she wants to.'

Chakotay nodded, he had had the same thoughts, but he wanted to hear the opinion of B'Elanna's former best friend to reassure his plan first.

‚And with all due respect, Sir.' Deena looked at Chakotay. ‚You will be the only one who can make her get a grip and step up for the post of chief engineer.'

‚Why me?' Chakotay had initially planned to help Deena and B'Elanna reconcile over that issue, but he had already had doubts himself.

‚She respects you more than anyone else on this ship and she is loyal to you.' Deena knew that she could talk about her own worries now, but Chakotay's initiative was a chance to solve the problems in the forst place. ‚And this is actually not good. The Maquis still see you as their leader and this causes a rift between them and the Federation crew. B'Elanna will have to get that job, it would be a huge step towards reconciliation. But I doubt that Captain Janeway will make it easy for her. B'Elanna will have to prove her worth.'

Chakotay was about to answer as his communicator beeped.

‚Sickbay to Commander Chakotay.'

‚Go ahead, Doctor.' Chakotay had a bad feeling about this.

‚Would you come to sickbay? And better take Lieutenant Tuvok and Counselor Parker with you.'

‚What happened?' Deena stood up and followed Chakotay out of the briefing room while they talked. Unfortunately, the bridge crew could hear the doctor's response.

‚Miss Torres attacked Lieutenant Carey.'


	7. Chapter 7

Deena wanted to bang her forehead against the wall. The last days had been straining, but the good side was that the crews slowly learned to work together. When B'Elanna had broken Carey's nose, the former Maquis crew had been ready to take over the ship by force if Captain Janeway had reacted in a way unacceptable to them. Thank goodness, Janeway had given B'Elanna a chance and although it did not look good at first, B'Elanna had fought for her place on that ship. Now, she was chief engineer B'Elanna Torres and when Carey had accepted her, so had the rest of the engineering crew. Deena was happy for B'Elanna, but her own problem had not changed. Nobody was talking to her as a counselor. Chakotay had offered to order some of the Maquis to talk to her if they had emotional issues, but Deena declined. That was no way to build a trustful relationship and without trust, she could not work. But there was a crewman who worried both Chakotay and Deena equaly.

Ayala did not sleep well, he had dark circles under his eyes and his eyes betrayed his sadness and desperation. Most of the crew felt that way, but Chakotay worried about his friend and trusted second in command of the former Val Jean crew, while Deena saw him stand on the look out on deck one, staring out at the stars with longing in his eyes and his broad shoulders slumped in desperation when she started her shifts on the bridge. They mostly had the same shifts and Deena wanted to help him cope with the situation, but she did not know how. She did know that she was the last person he would speak to, but she was determined to do her job and support the crew. She decided to start with Ayala when she had an idea. She knew that he would not talk to her, but she could make him talk to someone else who was close to a counselor. Neelix had taken the job of the cook and the morale officer and the crew opened up to the merry Talaxian. They talked to him and he had a way to give people hope and cheer them up. But first, Deena had to get him to talk to Neelix.

She had the chance when Neelix was recovering from his contact with the Viridians. He had turned the Captain's private dinner room into a kitchen and needed some calm after his lung transplantation. Deena had tried to help the doctor as good as possible, but the person who had really saved the situation was Kes, who would now work as a nurse in sickbay. Kes and Deena were the only people on board who got along with the Doctor and his quirks, but Deena was sure that the crew would warm up to him when they saw how hard he tried to fit in. Still, Deena felt lost in her job. She felt as if she had not helped Neelix enough when he was missing his lung and that she had left him hanging. Neelix smiled when she apologised to him lateron.

‚You would be a much more qualified counselor than me.' Deena sighed. ‚I am trying and all I get is a crew which is growing sadder and more lost with every passing day. How am I supposed to do my job when nobody wants me to help?'

‚Maybe, when all hope is lost, they will turn to you as counselor.' Neelix grinned.

‚So I only have to wait until they are desperate enough? That's…..depressing.' Deena shook her head.

‚Good things come to us when we stop trying.' Neelix grinned as Deena sighed loudly.

‚Wait a minute, I'll be right back, I need to get some more coffee….the Captain get's cranky when she does not get her coffee, as do other crewmembers.' Neelix smiled at Deena. ‚Would you mind taking over for me for a moment? Be careful, these roots tend to jump out of the boiling water – ‚

Deena glanced at the huge pot and already saw some roots close to the water line. Quickly, she grabbed the lid and tried to push them back. She loved to cook, but what Neelix did here every day was not really cooking, it was going where no cook had gone before. It was a very interesting adventure though.

Deena had underestimated the desperation of the roots and had to press down the lid hard. The second pot on the stove needed to be turned down and Deena let go of the first to do so. She managed to turn the heat down for second pot, before the water of the other pot boiled over and burned her hand. Cursing, Deena pressed her teeth together, but she did not let go of the lid. She turned down the heat for the roots as well and waited until the water had calmed down and the roots began to swim in the water more calmly.

‚Stubborn little fellas.' Deena muttered and carefully peeked into the pot.

‚The burn looks painful.' a deep voice made her jump and she let go of the lid with a loud bang. As Deena looked up, she looked right into Ayala's face. She almost thought to see worry in his face, but she quickly denied that she saw anything of the sort.

‚I'll live.' Deena looked at her hand. The burn did look bad and turned greenish, because of her green romulan blood.

‚What are you doing here?' Ayala asked softly.

‚Cooking, being useful.' Deena answered. ‚Neelix went to get – probably something with leola – he calls it coffee, but it's not coffee.'

She looked up in surprise when she heard Ayala chuckle. It was a short chuckle, but it was there. She wanted to ask how he was feeling, but their moment was interrupted by Neelix coming back to the kitchen with his arms full of vegetables and a can.

‚Lieutenant Ayala, what a pleasant surprise!' Neelix smiled at the tall man. ‚Are you feeling better today?'

Deena felt a sting in her heart as she heard that apparently, Ayala had already been talking to the little Talaxian. But in the end, she was glad that he was getting help.

‚A bit, Neelix, thank you.' Ayala smiled warmly. ‚It was good to be able to talk to someone.'

Deena closed her eyes in defeat and stepped back from the stove. She needed to calm down before she returned to duty. She had never felt so lost and useless in her life and it was completely new feeling. The holo training programm had not helped her calm down and at the moment she only wanted to cry. She needed to leave before she would start crying on the spot.

‚Deena?' Neelix could see that she was struggling. ‚Thank you for your help. You should take care of that burn before your shift starts, its looks painful.'

‚It does hurt.' Deena tried to smile. ‚But its really alright, I will go to sickbay after my shift.'

‚It's still eight hours to go, do you really want to wait that long?' Neelix looked worried.

‚The pain keeps me focused.' Deena knew that this was a dangerous feeling.

‚You won't be of any use to the crew when you are in pain.' Neelix told her softly.

‚I am no use to the crew anyway.' Deena stated calmly and took a deep breath. Ayala was still standing with Neelix and looked at her with an unreadable expression. ‚Thank you for the nice morning, Neelix, please tell me when I can help you out again – in the kitchen.'

And with that, Deena turned around and fled the deck for the bridge.

‚What did you do to your hand?' Chakotay peeked over the console and onto Deena's hand. ‚And why haven't you been to see the doctor with this?'

‚I tried to keep some roots in Neelix pot.' Deena grinned. ‚I will go to sickbay after the shift.'

‚Ah, those jumping little bastards?' Chakotay laughed. ‚We had some of them for breakfast. One was not really cooked dry and almost jumped down of my plate. I could not eat it then, it was as if it was alive.'

Deena chuckled, it was relaxing talking to Chakotay, although he was a former Maquis.

‚I need to go to sickbay myself, why don't you accompany me? We can talk on our way there.'

Deena could hear the order in the polite question and nodded. Tuvok took over the bridge as they left in the turbolift.

‚Did you speak to Ayala?' Chakotay came right to the point when the doors of the turbolift closed. ‚He seems better today.'

‚Neelix talked to him.' Deena told the commander. ‚Many of the crew speak to him, he listens and apparently makes them feel better. It was a good thing to keep him and Kes on board.'

Deena struggled to report neutraly and wished that she would have been the person who could have helped.

‚Alright.' Chakotay nodded. ‚That's good to know. And how are you feeling?'

‚Fine.' Deena chuckled mirthlessly. ‚Fine, useless and out of place. But I guess that is the prize in my job.'

‚Your job is being the ship's counselor.' Chakotay stated calmly. ‚If you concentrate on the past, you will never be able to live on the present.'

Deena nodded as Chakotay's words reached her. It was as simple as that and she had needed to hear it. As Paris would say, head up, eyes front and screw the others. She would start to work with the original Federation crew and if the Maquis wanted to stay away from her, so be it.

‚Why are we going to sickbay?' Deena asked.

‚You are going to treat the burn and I will turn around and walk back to the bridge.' Chakotay said merily. ‚The turbolift is the only place where one can talk privately on this ship. The turbolift and the private quarters, but I prefer the turbolift.'

Deena laughed at Chakotay's humor and shook her head. Despite the strained atmosphere on Voyager, the commander seemed to take everything easy and his relaxed attitude influenced the others.

‚Aye, Sir.' Deena smiled honestly for the first time in weeks as she left the turbolift.

She did not notice that her parting from Chakotay had been watched by two other crewmembers. Ayala was on his way to the bridge when he saw the turbolift open at the end of the corridor and Chakotay and Deena talking and smiling at each other and Seska was in the next corridor and also saw her old commander smiling warmly at the woman who had betrayed them all. Seska was fuming and stormed away, almost running over Ayala, who was standing in front of the now closed turbolift doors. Ayala did not know what to think. On one hand he was amused to see Seska fuming, but on the other hand he felt uneasy as well when he had seen Chakotay smile at Deena and her truly smiling for the first time since they had been on Voyager. He knew that she had a hard standing on Voyager and he felt sorry for her. But a part of him was still angry at her and still felt betrayed. He felt a spark of jealousy when he thought about his former captain possibly having romantic feelings for Deena. But how could he feel jealous when she did not mean anything to him? Ayala knew the answer and he did not like it.

A few weeks later, the Voyager crew started to hope again when Harry Kim found a wormhole which seemed to lead to the Alpha Quadrant. But the wormhole was merely thirty centimeters wide and the micro probe which they tried to send through got stuck. Of all people, the ship on the other side was Romulan. Deena could feel the glances of the other crew members on the bridge as they contacted the romulan captain. Of course the Romulan was highly suspicious at first, but Janeway managed to convince him to help. Deena frowned as she saw the Romulan uniform on the screen. She had had only little contact to Romulus in the past, but the uniform looked old to her. When the Romulan was beamed on board of Voyager, Deena started digging. While she dug into the database, the other crew members wrote messages to their family and friends, since the Romulan had promised to take those messages back home and to send them to the Federation. She had spoken to lieutenant Tuvok about her doubts and he seemed to share them, although his doubts were based on a gut feeling, which he of course denied to have. As Deena walked through the corridors, she could feel that the crew was full of energy and hope and that the thought of telling their families that they were still alive and that they missed them was putting them in a wonderful mood. Deena had volunteered to collect the messages from the crew and to prepare the chip that would be transferred to the Romulan ship. Two messages were still missing, one from B'Elanna and one from Ayala. Deena took the chance and planned to retrieve the messages personaly. Maybe she would be able to talk a bit to both of them during the process.

She decided to speak to B'Elanna first, but B'Elanna was busy in engineering. She told Deena that there was nobody in the Alpha Quadrant whom she wanted to inform of her whereabouts and knowing about her life so far, Deena believed her. B'Elanna's family was on Voyager.

Deena slowed down when she walked to Ayala's quarters. She did not know what to say, but she decided to just go for it. She took a deep breath when her finger pressed the buzzer of the door. It took a while until the door opened and Deena reluctantly took a step forward.

‚Deena?' Ayala was sitting at his desk and looked genuinely surprised. ‚Why are you here?'

‚Your message to your family is the last to be added to the chip.' Deena was surprised to see Ayala's expression darken and his hand freeze over the console. ‚Is everything alright?'

Ayala grinded with his teeth and stood up to walk to the nearest wall. His quarters had no window and he hated that, he always spent hours staring out of the huge window on deck one near the bridge.

‚I haven't written it yet.' he admitted and saw that Deena looked surprised. ‚I…I do not know what to say. I have so much to say, but I do not know what to squeeze into a short message.'

‚Do you need any help?' Deena asked and immediately bit her lip. Surely he did not need any help from her. ‚I am sorry, I guess you do not want me to….'

‚Actually, I would appreciate the help of the ship's counselor.' Ayala smiled faintly and chuckled as he saw Deena's expression. ‚You should see your face right now.'

Deena realised that her mouth was open in surprise and that she stared at him as if he had grown two heads. She was so surprised that she needed a while to collect her thoughts.

‚Uhm, alright…..' Deena looked around and saw no further chair in Ayala's quarters. She only saw the desk and a bed. It was a very spartanic home, the only personal thing was a photo at the side of the bed. It showed a beautiful woman and two boys and despite the sting in her heart, Deena had to smile until she took a closer look at the woman.

‚Maria Delgado is your wife?!' Deena asked and took a closer look.

‚You know my wife?' Ayala could not believe it.

‚We…..we met a few years ago.' Deena had to laugh. ‚In California at a symposium. She is…..'

Deena had to laugh at the memory and at the thought that Maria and the quiet and stoic Ayala had actually been married.

‚She is a very loud and hot blooded woman. Great humor.'

Ayala could not believe it. Deena actually knew Maria and seemed to really like her. He remembered the symposium, Maria had left their oldest son with him and had left for California on Earth for two weeks. She had told him that she had met a romulan woman and surprisingly had had a wonderful time, sadly she had not asked for the contact information. Maria was really loud and he could understand why Deena was so amused.

‚How on earth did you two…...?' Deena stopped herself before she finished the question. ‚I am sorry, this is none of my business.'

‚Maybe I'll tell you the story one day.' Ayala smiled sadly.

‚So….you need my help?' Deena turned away from the picture. Maybe he would tell her more about his family as well. The two boys were incredibly cute, the older looked like Ayala and the younger was a little chubby and looked more like Maria. The older boy looked about twelve years old and the younger boy was probably three or four. She could understand that being away from them and missing their childhood was unbearable for Ayala.

‚I want to tell them so much.' Ayala sat down on the bed and Deena stepped back to his desk. Usually, as a counselor, she would not put that much distance between them, but she had the feeling that the distance was necessary. ‚I could write a book and we only have the capacity for a few sentences.'

‚If you think about what you want to say the most, what would it be? Or if they would stand here with you in this very moment, what would you say?' Deena tried to push him into instinctively saying what he felt when he thought about his family.

Ayala's expression became distant and dreamy and Deena knew that he wished that his family was actually there – there was nothing he wanted more than that.

‚I would tell them that I love them and that every single thought, every single second of every day is about them. And although I am not there with them, my heart and soul are with them and I will not be whole again until we are together again.' Ayala smiled sadly and Deena could see tears shining in his eyes.

‚That sounds wonderful and I am sure that they would be so relieved and happy to hear from you.' Deena smiled. ‚You still have a bit of capacity left, how about something humorous to cheer them up? A funny anecdote or something?'

‚Tell mamá that…I hope that someone repaired the smoke detector in the house, next time that she cooks some fish.' Ayala grinned at Deena's questioning gaze. ‚Every time Maria cooked fish, the alarm went off and it took ages to shut it off, since the alarm if on the ceiling of our living room which is very high. Even I needed a latter to reach it. And it really happened every time, I have no idea why.'

Deena had to smile when she pictured the scene. Knowing Maria, her annoyed yelling would have been louder than the alarm and her spanish cursing would have been hilarious.

‚I guess Maria tried to yell the alarm off?' she joked and made Ayala laugh.

‚Yes, that's Maria….'

Deena could tell that Ayala still loved his ex wife and that his heart really was in the Alpha Quadrant. But it was a good feeling to talk to him and to help him.

‚I guess….we have your message.' Deena tried to focus again. ‚Are you alright with that?'

‚I am.' Ayala seemed surprised. ‚Thank you. I can't believe that I could not write a simple letter to my family.'

‚It's a normal reaction when one is overwhelmed and shuts down.' Deena smiled reassuringly. ‚That's what a counselor is there for, right? In fact I have to thank you. You're my first patient.'

Ayala snorted and shook his head. ‚We gave you a hard time, didn't we?'

‚You have no idea.' Deena frowned. ‚But I guess I deserved this.'

‚You did not.'

Deena looked at him in surprise. ‚I betrayed you, the Maquis.'

‚We are not Maquis anymore.' Ayala stated calmly. ‚The sooner we accept that, the better.'

‚You are right, but its easier said than done.' Deena crossed her arms in front of her. ‚Even Chakotay refers to his former crew as his crew when he does not concentrate.'

‚I saw you two in the turbolift earlier this month after you burned your hand.' Ayala knew that he changed the subject, but he was curious. ‚You seemed to get along well. Seska saw you and nearly imploded.'

‚Oh dear.' Deena could imagine how the bajoran woman had reacted. ‚I am surprised that I did not end up with a knife in my back.'

‚That would be Seska.' Ayala grumbled. ‚You did not answer my question.'

‚You did not ask me anything.' Deena smiled and cocked her head to the side. Of course she knew what he wanted to ask, but he had tortured her the last months and this was payback.

‚Right.' Ayala winced as the intercom interrupted them.

„Kim to Parker."

Deena answered cooly. „Parker here."

„We need the chip with the messages. B'Elanna is ready to proceed."

„On my way, Parker out."

Deena looked at Ayala and smiled. ‚Thank you for the message and your help, lieutenant.'

‚You're welcome – counselor.' Ayala smirked. They would speak another time.


	8. Chapter 8

The crew was devastated when Janeway informed them of the fact that the Romulan was living twenty years in the past and would die before he could deliver their messages into their present. They were back to nothing and the atmosphere on Voyager grew worse with every passing day. Captain Janeway tried to stay strong and encouraged her crew as much as she could, but it was not enough. For a few days, life on Voyager was insufferable and only the daily routine of a starship made the crew move on very slowly. Deena had her first patients, all Federation crew members, who needed to speak about their families at home and how much they missed them. Most of the crew started to lose hope to ever make it back home and Deena did her best to get their hopes up again. She knew that hope was the only thing that would keep them going and the perspective to see their families again was so very important. Samantha Wildman was one of her first patients. She was a shy and nice woman and Deena liked her very much. The crewman was pregnant with her first child and the child would probably be born on Voyager if they did not find a way home soon. Only the doctor and Deena knew about the pregnancy and Deena tried her best to calm the crewman's nerves. Samantha was nervous because it was her first child and felt alone and lost due to the fact that her husband was so far away and she was devastated to know that he would miss so much of his child. Deena tried to concentrate Samantha's focus onto herself and her child. She knew that a part of her heart and mind would still be with her husband, but the doctor had told her that he worried about this mixed race pregnancy because it was so rare and that there could be complications if the mother was in a bad emotional state. Deena spend many days with Samantha and they talked about how the child's future on Voyager might be if they stayed in the Delta Quadrant. In the end, Samantha had made her peace with it and looked forward to see her child and to raise it without her husband in the worst case. The whole ship would be her family and the child would have a special childhood. Deena told her that she could still introduce the child to the father by showing pictures, telling stories and keeping a journal. Like that the baby would get to know it's father. Samantha hugged Deena when they had their last meeting and her smile was genuine and grateful. Deena felt incredibly relieved to have helped and her days on Voyager became easier to bear.

Chakotay and her still worried about Ayala. He tried not to show it, but he suffered a lot and had problems to cope with the situation. He worked like a crazy person and took shifts wherever and whenever he could. Chakotay was about to deny him some of the shifts, but Deena thought that this distraction was vital and as long as Ayala did not jeopardise his health, he should work to keep his mind busy. All in all, Deena's relationship to the Maquis became better very slowly. Suder was actually nice to her, Hogan started hitting on her again and B'Elanna talked to Deena if necessary. The cold and professional tone hurt Deena a lot, but she was grateful that they were on a talking basis at all. Deena started to spend time with Harry and Tom, who managed to cheer her up most of the time and spoke with Chakotay and Neelix about the crew's moral without giving away any patient's information.

One day, after a long shift on the bridge alongside Ayala, Deena decided to take matters into her own hands and walked to Ayala's quarters. She knew that he still spoke to Neelix about his family, but she needed to know that he was alright. When the door to his quarters opened, Deena tried to keep a straight face. Ayala was wearing civilian trousers and a thin shirt, he was barefoot and his hair was in disarray. Deena could see his muscles and some of his chest hair through the open shirt. Mentally scowling herself, she stepped closer and asked if he wanted to talk.

‚If I wanted to talk, I would have visited you, counselor.' Ayala said in a neutral tone and Deena did not know what to make of it.

‚I know that you talk to Neelix and he does help you, but…I thought that we could maybe talk about you and Maria?' Deena offered. ‚I know her well and maybe it would be…..good for you to speak to someone who also knows her.'

‚Chakotay and Bendera also know her.' Ayala smiled.

‚And they work in even more shifts than you and have no time to talk. My job is to talk.' Deena offered and tried to stay calm.

‚Why do you think that I even want to talk about her?' Ayala stepped back and Deena noticed that he did not offer her to sit or anything else. She knew that if people did not want to talk, there was no good in pressuring them.

‚I don't know, sometimes it helps to talk to people we love to remember them and to cherish their memory.' Deena offered a last time, but Ayala shook his head.

‚I would only miss her more.' he pointed to the door. ‚I wanted to get some sleep, if I may, counselor?'

Deena took a deep breath. She had thought that they had made some progress the other day when she had helped him write the letter to his family, but apparently, shehad been wrong. But she would not force herself on him in any way.

‚Alright.' she forced herself to smile. ‚You know where to find me. Or Neelix if it helps to talk to him rather than to me.'

‚It helps.' Ayala knew that his words hurt her and he did feel bad about it, but a part of him wanted to hurt her. He did not understand that himself, but Deena had managed to keep his mind from Maria and he hated that. He hated the fact that he still thought about Deena when his mind was unfocused and he grew angry when he heard that Deena of all people wanted him to speak about his wife to her.

‚It's good that it helps.' Deena quickly turned towards the door. ‚See you on the bridge, lieutenant.'

Deena had thought that she was making progress with the Maquis crew. Many of the former Maquis did not shot death glares at her anymore and some even spoke to her. No friendly word from B'Elanna, yet, but Deena knew that she was stubborn and gave her time. It was Seska who made Deena snap. During lunch with Tom and Harry, Seska walked over to their table and spilled hot coffee over Deena's shoulder. The burn was not bad, it stung, but Deena had taken worse in the past. But Deena knew that she would never gain the respect of the former Maquis when she let Seska bully her like this. In addition she had enough and her rage had bubbled within her for weeks now. While one half of her knew that it was wrong, the other half stood up and smashed in Seska's nose. She was about to break more than Seska's nose and heard Paris woohoo behind her, as strong arms pulled her back and held her tight. She struggled, but whoever held her back was incredibly strong and also quite big and his arms felt like a vise. Still, Deena was so angry that she continued to kick and fight against him.

‚Now I understand why people at the academy thougth that you were klingon.' a deep voice whispered against her ear and sent shivers down her spine.

‚Ayala.' Deena thought about fighting even more. She did not want to be that near to him, she hated the feeling when she even saw him, but him touching her was too much. ‚Let me go.'

‚I would love to see how this would turn out, but Chakotay would put us both into the brig.' she could hear Ayala chuckle.

Deena was about to answer as she saw that Seska was about to attack her while she was held back by Ayala. She was ready to kick some sense into the bajoran woman, as Ayala let go of her and stepped in front of her. He glared down at Seska and held back her arm.

‚Don't you dare to punch someone who is defenseless.' Ayala growled angrily. ‚It's like you to act like a coward.'

‚You….,' Seska was furious, but she quickly took a step back when Chakotay and Tuvok rushed into the casino and changed into the role of a victim.

‚Nice counselor she is, look at my nose!' Seska almost whimpered and turned to Chakotay. ‚She attacked me without provocation!'

‚With all due respect, Sir!' Harry, Tom and Ayala simultaneously spoke in Deena's favor and Chakotay almost had to smile. Of course he knew that Seska had started the fight and he knew that Deena had solved the matter in the Maquis way, but this was a Starfleet ship and he was the First Officer in charge of discipline. As much as he wanted to, he could not let this incident stay unpunished. But when he accompanied Deena to the Captain to receive her punishment, he could not help but notice that this incident had united the Federation and the Maquis crew. Tom, Harry and Ayala had worked together to defend Deena and he could see that the other Maquis were as disgusted about Seska's behaviour as the rest of the crew and also himself. Seska's actions had backfired on her and Deena had gained the respect she deserved.

It did not take long until Seska showed her true self. The crew, especially the former Maquis, were shocked as Seska turned out to be a Cardassian spy. Deena had so many patients after Seska's departure, that she barely had the time to eat and sleep. Over a week after the incident, Deena was about to make ready for bed after a long day, as someone buzzed at her door.

‚Please, no.' Deena sighed. But she was the counselor, she would not leave anyone hanging. ‚Come in.'

When nobody came in, Deena frowned and walked to the door to open it. She was about to snarl at the person outside, but froze when she saw that it was Ayala. He looked as tired as she felt and also seemed to be unsure how to proceed.

‚Uhm….may I help you?' Deena leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms.

‚I wanted to talk…' Ayala grinned and pulled his hair back. ‚And now I am not sure what to talk about.'

‚Why don't you come in and we find it out together?' Deena winced when she realised how it sounded.

Ayala chuckled and Deena rolled her eyes and let him step into her quarters. When Ayala saw that she had made ready for bed, he wanted to turn around, but Deena stopped him.

‚It's my free day tomorrow, I can sleep in.' Deena pointed to her couch. ‚Please sit. Do you want something to drink?'

‚I do not want to use your replication rations.' Ayala denied.

‚I get more rations for therapy purposes.' Deena smiled. ‚I just hope all the crewmembers did not come to see me for that only.'

‚You have many patients?' Ayala was relieved that Deena seemed to have found her place.

‚No need to sound that surprised.' Deena joked and pointed to the replicator. ‚Coffee? Tea? Raktagino?'

‚Black coffee would be nice, thank you.'

Deena replicated the coffee and walked back to Ayala. When she handed over the cup, she realised that her hair was still flowing over her shoulders and quickly bound it back.

‚No need for that, this is nothing official.' Ayala glanced at her and Deena noticed that he looked at her long locks.

‚If this is nothing official, what is it then, lieutenant?' Deena almost enjoyed to watch Ayala blush.

‚I mean….I do not care wether you…..if you feel more comfortable that way. I already interrupted too much of your evening.' Ayala was about to stand up, when Deena held him back.

‚Sit down. Talk.'

‚Yes, Ma'am.' Ayala joked and Deena hoped that the ice was broken for good now. ‚I do not even know how to begin. Maybe a question first.'

‚Go ahead.' Deena was curious.

‚Were we so naïve?' Ayala asked. ‚We, Chakotay, me, the Val Jean crew.'

‚Why do you ask?' Deena knew that Chakotay had asked Tuvok the same question after Seska's betrayal.

‚There was Tuvok, Seska, you…..you all managed to spy on us and we did not realise that we were betrayed.' Ayala frowned.

‚Well, if I remember correctly you had never trusted Seska.' Deena understood the self doubt. ‚Tuvok and I had no possibility to get to any information as long as we were on board either. So no, I do not think that you were naïve. And Seska….well, Cardassian spies are the best. The Obsidian Order is dangerous and they do not shy away from anything that would help them to achieve their goals.'

‚Seska had her ways. I feel sorry for Chakotay, I think he really loved her and she only played with him.' Ayala watched Deena's reaction closely and could see her frown.

‚You think that I would have played with you in the same way if I had had more time? That I would have used my body to lure you into trusting or even loving me and then betray you, like Seska did with Chakotay?' Deena felt hurt, but she understood that he had to ask. When Ayala nodded, Deena continued. ‚Well, first of all, that is not my style and neither the style of Federation Intelligence. Second of all, I know that I would not have had a chance against Maria. You still love her.'

‚I already betrayed her.' Ayala remembered their kisses vividly. ‚Although we are no longer married, I feel as if I betrayed her.'

‚Is that why you were so angry at me and refused to talk to me?' Deena began to understand. ‚I never wanted you to feel like a traitor. I am sorry.'

‚It takes two for what we did. And you did nothing wrong.' Ayala sighed. ‚I am the one who should apologise.'

Deena did not know what to respond to that, instead she tried to change the subject.

‚Maria would tell you that you are an idiota.' Deena smiled as she imagined how the spanish woman would have reacted.

‚Nah she would have yelled it at me.' Ayala grinned. ‚She told me to move on months ago, she has already.'

‚It hurts you that she moved on that quickly?'

‚It's not my pride that is hurt, I had just hoped that we could work on our marriage – for our sons.'

‚Sometimes, things can't be repaired and children are not stupid. They see and feel it if their parents are unhappy and that makes them unhappy, too.' Deena knew many children who had suffered under their parent's fighting. ‚You can still be a wonderful father without being a husband.'

‚I try.' Ayala leaned back on the couch. ‚But how can I be a father while being here?'

Deena did not have an answer or at least no answer Ayala would have liked to hear, so she only reached over and touched his arm in a comforting way.

‚Captain Janeway will bring us back home.'


End file.
